in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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