I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
