I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
