There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
