hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
