Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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