bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
