someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
