he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
two words: eviction party
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
