he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
