I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
