Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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