Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
