I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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