walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
