Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize