i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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