in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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