Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
