we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
