I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
