There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
