Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
