I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
