i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
