Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
