What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
