do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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