need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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