new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
