literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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