I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
