I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
