This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
