Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
