toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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