drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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