your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
