She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
