If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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