The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
