ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize