how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
