I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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