Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
