A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
