Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize