dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
