so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
