sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
