that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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