Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
