who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
