i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
