Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My bed smells like the plague
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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