My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just puked most of my soul out..
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