What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
