it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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