The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
