apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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