So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
