This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
