yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
