I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
