Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
