A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
