I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
