I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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