Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
