I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
