Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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