Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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